About

This is my second pregnancy. My first was around 5 years ago. It took me 4+ years to consider getting pregnant again without the feeling of pure terror paralysing me. I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum all the way through my first pregnancy. The memories are hazy and jumbled up. Driving and vomiting; the car constantly full of vomit becoming almost unusable after the baby was born. I remember passing out in a stair well; vomiting on planes. I remember the smell of my flat; every time I came home I would immediately vomit, then rush round opening all the windows- it was an open plan living room kitchen, so doors couldn’t be closed! I lived in my bedroom- ran out holding my breath to get food and that was it. If I accidentally took a breath outside my bedroom, game over- vomit inevitable.

This is my second pregnancy like I said. You know how people talk. They said things like “Oh don’t worry, it’ll be much better the second time around.” More fool me to believe that! The biggest difference now is, I have a small child to take care of. My husband works in another city during the week, so is home on weekends only, leaving me and my pre-school partner in crime to fend for ourselves 5 days of the week.

So far it has been far worse than I could have ever imagined.

The first 6 weeks were not too bad. I tired more easily, was breathless, felt a little sick. I felt the same hyper-salivation that plagued me the first time creeping in- Oh how I scoured the medical literature for any clinical trial, suggestions of remedies or even acknowledgement that pregnancy-related hyper-salivation is a recognised condition. I found next to nothing. Just forum after forum of women from West Africa, the Far East, Caribbean and some African American ladies, all suffering from the same embarrassing affliction, with no information, nowhere to turn and searching for answers.

By week 7, I felt more sick, more tired, the vomiting had started, and the hyper-salivation was full on and pretty debilitating.

Week 8 was the hurricane.  I woke up feeling like I’d been hit by a bus; managed to drag myself into the shower and turn on the water which knocked me out. I came around, lying on the floor, half in and half out of the shower.  The water hitting my body felt like a full scale physical assault!  I stretched up to turn the shower off. It took 5 attempts but I finally got it. I crawled back to my bed room, and called work to tell them I couldn’t come in, a conversation lengthened by the fact that I suddenly burst into tears, as I thought- “what on earth am I going to do?” My son danced around me on the floor in his pyjamas thinking I was playing a game.

Since then it has been a relentless journey of persistent vomiting, haematemesis, lethargy, cold sores, incontinence and weight loss.  That is just the tip of the iceberg.

This blog is an outlet for my thoughts and emotions. I am not the Duchess of Cambridge or a celebrity or anyone particularly important. Just a women suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum, again. I agree with most critics when they say “Pregnancy is not an illness”. But a pregnancy-related illness is an illness. The fact that it is an illness which only affects pregnant women, does not take away from the impact the illness can have on one’s life. Nine months is a long time to feel like crap.